Paula Poundstone- I hate eating alone. You go in places, they go, "party of one?" Kind of a cruel thing to say, I think, " Yeah! Party of one.Wasn't even invited. I 'm just crashing this party

 

Greg Ray- Buffet is a french term. It means " Get up and get it yourself "

 

Jason Love- " Today's Special " is a fancy way of saying " Leftovers"

 

Nick Di Paolo- Everywhere I go I get hair in my food. I went to a restaurant last week, two hairs in my soup, two on my lettuce. The waiter comes out, " Can I get you anything else? " " Yeah, how about a comb for the salad? What's the house dressing, minoxidil? I ordered romaine, not rogaine."  

 

Jerry Seinfeld- Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is that about? And which waiter are you tipping anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say:" OH, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy that pays the bill will be along shortly."